so i started work on thursday. it's boring, and i'm not gonna get many hours, but i am thankful i finally have a job. they worked with me on my trip too. i can pick back up on my training when i get back from lubbock. so i'm leaving in the morning, and i'll be gone til friday.
it'll be good to see my friends again. i talked to a good friend of mine the other day that i couldn't see last time i went to lubbock cos she was still doing the same shit we were doing when i left. she's finally cleaned up and sober. working on 4 months, and i'm proud of her for that. i'm excited i can see her this time.

i went and took my drug test today for home depot. it's so nice not having to worry about failing them anymore. after i pass this, they will send in my back ground check, and i'll find out soon when i can start work.
i said i was going to try harder, and i did, and look what happened!
things are going great for now. met new friends here and have been hanging out with them.
going to lubbock next week. hopefully will get my truck, and then to go see my old friends.
it's such a relief that things are starting to look up.

i had a great weekend. i did somthing kinda on impulse that i never do anymore. i went to houston with a boi i met not that long ago. we kinda just ditched everyone for the weekend for a bois night at the clubs. we went and picked up another boi there in houston to with us saturday night.
i don't think i have ever been that drunk in my life, and i've had some drunken stupers lol.
anyway, the clubs were great, we had a great time, and i got out for once! i feel soooooo much better now.
ANNNNND, when i got home, i had 2 calls back on jobs while i was gone. so everyone cross your fingers for me :D

i don't write much anymore. nothing really to write about. everyday is exactly the same.
this weekend, a friend called me though. one i hadn't heard from in about 4 months. it was nice talking to her because the last time we talked, it wasn't good. she was upset with me because i didn't want to move back to Lubbock, and she didnt' think i was being a good friend and blah blah fucking blah. anyways, it was still nice to have a good little chat with her. only thing is, the reason she called wasn't really just to catch up, it was to tell me that someone was looking for me. it was just weird after 3 years to hear she's looking for me. due to several people probably going to tell me not to speak to her, and just ignore it, i'm not mentioning her name here. but it did put me into a mood this weekend. the type where i wanted to be left the fuck alone and get drunk, which i did. my first reaction to hearing it, was i want to see her. BUT i do not need to see her. that woman is poison to my very fucking being.
i'm going back home to Lubbock in a few weeks, i'm glad my friend told me she isn't there.
then my current frame of mind, and all of my moments of, for lack of a better word, weakness.
makes you wonder how old wounds can be so easily ripped open. all the fucking love and anger flooding through like a hurricane, only to send my head into a spin that is hard to control. i can not help but miss Her. it doesn't hurt like it did, i just don't know how to describe what it does to me. i feel so little when i think about Her, little when i speak to Her, little when i feel Her, little when i miss Her. it's not pure sadness. i still get happy to speak to Her. i like to know how the kids are doing, how She is doing.
different. i guess that is all i can say about it. but i'm ok now.

i'm so scatter brained today. my thought processes aren't finishing, i am getting side tracked at every little thing, and i have a million things going on at once, and have probably only finished a few of them. i could feel this was gonna happen when i woke this morning. i was so disoriented, and couldn't wake up. very cloudy. it seems to only happen when i fall asleep to court tv....guess that should tell me something huh. i have the craziest dreams, and usually can't focus the next day. i know better than to fall asleep to it, but sometimes just can't help it. i was so sacked out last night, i accidentally fell asleep with my candles lit in my room too. i'm still tired, so i'm gonna get to bed early tonight, (maybe.)

a little side note, i know it was yesterday, but happy birthday. i couldn't get to a computer yesterday, so i didn't post it then.